


Suicide Boys

by HardlyHefty



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dark, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 07:47:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17361917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardlyHefty/pseuds/HardlyHefty
Summary: Naruto is a ninja struggling with his own dark thoughts in the village hidden in the leaves. Or is he? Naruto is psych patient that suffers from severe schizophrenia. Or is he?In this story, Naruto is an unreliable narrator, battling his inner demons and trying to discover the truth. But when his friends start to die around him in an unusual manner, he might be the only person crazy enough to uncover the answers. With Sasuke at his side, Naruto will uncover what it means to be truly insane.





	Suicide Boys

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in 8 years. I hope as I continue to write, I'll only get better. For those who take the time to read this fic, thank you for humoring this novice.
> 
> All comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter One: The Begging of Silence

  
  
  


When I thought about dying, I’ve always imagined it would go down in a blaze of glory. Perhaps, fighting some S ranked nin who came to village bent on the purpose of destruction, and then I would sacrifice my entire body to protect the village—everyone would finally recognize that I’m worth something.

 

In retrospect, a blaze of glory was never something I have ever accomplished. How was I going to stand up against a super bad villain if I was the worse student at the academy?

 

I guess none of that matters now. It turns out that my death is as pathetic as much of my existence.

 

I heard the dark laugh of the fox spirit deep inside me.  The cackling sound mixed with mindless dribbles that I desperately wanted to silence.

 

I coughed up blood, struggling to get up but slipping on my self-made puddle on the bathroom floor. It’s funny how I try to fight even at the face of my death. I don’t pretend to imagine what has gotten me to this point. My life was one big eclipse fading off the page.

 

Finally, this is the end.

 

I feel a smile spreading across my face as for the first time real contentment set in before the crashing darkness breakthrough.

 

\-------

 

I woke up with a distinct urge to eat miso ramen,

 

My eyes felt pasted together, it’s so crusty, it was an effort to open them completely. When it was finally open, I was staring up at a fluorescent bulb with a bug flying around it. Look how the moth was trying to go into the light? I can relate.

 

Someone cleared their throat next to my head when I turned it was none other than Grandma Tsunade. She did not look so pleased

 

“I wouldn’t frown like that or you might actually start to look like  a grandma, you know?”

 

She let out a bitter laugh, “Thanks for the advice, Naruto.”

 

We stared at each other for a bit. She was always so motherly, despite her ample bosom, I’ve never seen her in any way but a very strict parent. Right now she had her hands on her hips and looking at me with a mixture of anger and disappointment. I could not deal with the latter so I closed my eyes, hoping she would get the hint and leave.

 

“Naruto…” I should have expected that grandma would be as stubborn as ever. “Naruto, look at me.”

 

“Do I have to?” I whined, sticking out my lip in an over-exaggerated sulk.

“Look at me, Naruto” she growled. I let out a sigh and then finally turned to her.

 

“Why did you do it?” she gestured to my bandaged wrists. I could feel the pulsation under the cloth, it served as an angry reminder of my failure. Not surprised that Kurama didn’t heal it completely, though he obviously healed some, thus why I’m here talking in real time.

 

Tsunade cast a shadow over me as she knelt down over my sore body, “Naruto, answer me. Why did you hurt yourself? Why would you do it?”

 

“Obviously, I was trying to die.” I spat.

 

Tsunade flinched as if I threw a rock at her head.

 

After composing herself, she came closer, putting a hand softly on my shoulder, as if any other pressure would shatter me into a million tiny pieces.

 

“Naruto, you know that I care for you. We all do. No one wants you to die.” Her hand burned against my too sensitive skin, and I desperately wanted her to leave me alone. She got it wrong, anyway.

 

Despite what she and the other council people think, I’m not depressed. I’m not sad. I’m just really, exhausted.

 

I’m tired of walking around pretending that I wanted to be Hokage, that I wanted to be more than what I was supposed to be. I wanted the charade to finally end so I could get peace and quiet. Silence. So that the rushing thoughts could finally come at a standstill.

 

The old lady looked at me with deep sad eyes, I could tell that she would say something that would make me feel guilty. Guilt. Something that death would have permanently snuffed out.

 

She opened her mouth, and I cringed. There was a loud bang and screaming that indicated that someone was in unimaginable pain.

“I’LL KILL HIM!” screeched out from a familiar voice couple rooms over.

 

“What now?” Tsunade looked towards the door when the sound of glass breaking was heard.

 

A medic ran inside the room. Someone covered his usual tan smock in burn marks and blood. His eyes widened frantically before uttering a word, “Doctor we need your help. It’s Sasuke…”

 

Tsunade ran out of the room without looking back.

 

I was mildly curious about what was going on with my brooding teammate to be causing such a ruckus. But the blood loss was finally catching up. Leave it to Sasuke to steal the attention once again. As my the exhaustion won over, I smiled at the thought of the attention whore a couple rooms over.

  
  


\---------

 

It was a while before everything was back to normal.

 

When I could finally go back to team meetings, it wasn’t without some effort. By this time everyone knew what I almost did. So much for doctor-patient confidentiality. As if the village didn’t treat me like shit before, now, the whispers that followed me are of pity. Those fucking hypocrites!

You want me dead or don’t you? Decide about demon boy!

 

Sakura was the first to say anything when I entered the room, she lept out of her chair and hugged me tightly. Usually, I would enjoy the warmth of her body next to mine, perhaps copping a feel and pretending that my hand moved accidentally, but I wasn’t in the mood. I pushed her firmly away. She looked hurt before returning to her place next to Sasuke.

 

Sasuke for his part didn’t say anything---not that I expected he would. His face was as blank as the freshly scrubbed walls in the Hokage’s office. I found comfort in his consistency.

 

“Glad to have you back, Naruto,”  Kakashi sensei said, eyes squinting enough for me to imagine a smile plastered underneath his mask.

 

I sat down across from him, with rooms of space between the rest of my comrades.

 

“Ok... now that we are all here. Who would like to start? What is one goal you have for the new year?”

 

Silence.

 

“Well for me,” Sensei said. “I would like to read all the released books of the Icha Icha romance series.”

“Sakura, why don’t you share with the group your goal.”

 

Sakura’s face turned red, as she looked around the room. No doubt searching for the nearest exit strategy. “Che..” she said in a small voice. “I would like to be a good friend and a support for everyone in this group.”

 

“Great, Sakura.” Sensei hummed. “Being good support to your friend's is essential in recovery.”  He turned to Sasuke who looked at him back with a challenging expression. “How about you Sasuke?”

 

“My goal is the same as before,” his voice threatening. “I’m an avenger. And I will take down a certain someone.”

 

Silence

 

“Well..oooookaaay,” Kakashi gave a nervous laugh. “Naruto?”

 

“Hokage, same as before.”

 

“You might want to stop trying to kill yourself if that’s your goal,” Sasuke said.

 

“Hey, Sasuke, that was uncalled for,” Sakura said.

 

“Fuck off,” I threw back at him.

 

He shrugged “What? Someone had to say it.”

 

The rest of the meeting was uneventful. There were no missions assigned, so it was boring. Apparently, we would be focusing on training. Just what I needed, more social time.

  
  


\---

 

Life back at the apartment wasn’t exactly my own. Sometimes Tsunade and Shizune would drop by unannounced, probably making sure I’m not bleeding out with an ugly ruptured vein. So any alone time I got was always a treat.

 

And my treat came in the form of miso ramen soup. Ever since I woke up at the hospital, I craved the salty flavor of my favorite ramen, Hiding out from the public has prevented me from getting a taste, but I had to pick up a bowl from Ichiraku on my way home from the team meeting.

 

_ This moment is mine _ , I thought as I took a satisfying first bite.

 

The second bite didn’t happen. A knock on the door broke snapped me back to reality as a stark reminder I could get no alone time. The silence was a luxury that didn’t belong in the world of Naruto Uzumaki.

 

At the door was Tsunade, as expected, but unexpectedly the brooding face of the youngest Uchiha was staring bullets at me.

 

“What is this all about?”

 

“Hello, Naruto, can we come in?” Tsunade asked brushing past me without waiting for approval.

 

I was used to Tsunade in the room. But having Sasuke stand in the center of my bedroom was disconcerting. I tried not to think about what he was seeing with his eyes. My days unwashed cover on the floor, the empty ramen package next to the garbage can after just missing the trash. An explosion of orange scattered on the curtains, on the exposed clothes, just all over. Suddenly I grew very self-conscious.

 

“We thought about it, and we think it would be good for you to have a roommate.”

 

“A... what?” I asked not quite believing what was going on.

 

“The doctors think it would be best if you have a roommate. Immersing your self in more social aspects can be good for your psyche as it would be good for the young Uchiha.”

 

“No... hell no!” I yelled. “I don’t want this.”

 

“It’s not like I’m jumping for joy either, dobe.” Sasuke said rolling his eyes in distaste.

 

“Sasuke will move in later today, some staff will come in to make space.”

 

I walked over to my bed and plopped down in a dramatic sulk. I did not want to share my apartment. The village elders think they can decide everything, and poor Naruto would just go along. They didn’t respect my space, they never did! I pulled my hair trying to feel some pain that could bring me back to reality. I can just hear Kurma laughing.  

 

\---------

 

Sasuke moved in as fast Tsunade said. It felt like the extra bed magically appeared next to mine.

Soon the orange color mixed in with black and red. The color of violence.

 

I hated how organized Sasuke was. While I loved the way I threw my things around the room in a beautifully organized mess. His clothes were folded neatly in the drawers. And his dozen or so girly products were lined up in the bathroom cabinet with absolutely no spillage. He would go out of the way to make me look bad in my own home.

 

“Don’t get used to here, bastard,” I snarled the next morning as he was shamelessly getting dressed in front of me. His freshly showered skin was translucent against the dark curtains on his side of the room.

 

“You are under the impression that I had any choice in the matter,” Sasuke said while putting on his shirt. “I would have taken sleeping in the rec room with the evening rats than being cooped up with you.”

 

“Well, you know where the door is. Have at it.”

 

“Don’t tempt me.” He said under his breath, after having dressed, sitting down in the bed's center, with his legs folded. As still as any yogi in deep meditation.

 

“You could sleep on the sofa in the living room, you know?” I snarled. “I don’t understand why you had to come into my bedroom!”

 

“As I said, the rec room would have been id…” he stopped mid-sentence, turning his body in a way that was unholy. Damn, he was flexible. He smirked and chuckled in the way he always did when he is being a cocky asshole.

 

“What?”

 

“You don’t get it, do you?” he laughed more. Body shaking with the effort to contain himself. It kind of took me back. Never seeing Sasuke give any kind of emotion other than blank disinterest, seeing a smile on his face was disturbing.

 

“What?” I asked again.

 

“Naruto…” he said my name with a mixture of amusement and pity. “I keep forgetting your psychosis. What was it again? That’s right. delusions ... you have Schizoaffective Disorder.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“It’s a type of schizophrenia. Delusions. Seeing things that are not really there.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Riiight, Sasuke your minds games won’t work on me.”

 

Sasuke jumped out of bed and approached mine. I sat up quickly, putting my hands up ready for a fight.

 

“Tell me Naruto,” he whispered. “Do you still think you’re in a village made up of ninjas? Do you still think I’m on a team with you where we fight bad guys or whatever? Naruto there is no such thing as the Hokage or village elders. You made it up.”

 

Sasuke words thrust at me with the force of ten-ton bricks. None of it made any sense, but I felt the effect of it smash right into my chest.

 

“Sasuke, you’re out of your mind.”

 

He let out a bitter laugh, “Am I?” he grabbed onto my shoulders, his nails digging into the skin. “Wake up, Naruto. You’re not some sort of special ninja. You’re a psych patient. A prisoner trapped in your own fucking body.”

 

“Get off me!” I struggled under his fingers, but his grip was like a vice.

 

“Naruto, we are patients. Look at the bars at the window. Look around! We are not in your own private luxury apartment, we are sharing a single room. Look at what you’re wearing.” I looked down on my regular orange suit, confused and upset.

 

“You can’t even see it, can you.” he shook his head, dark curls flopping lazily in his eyes. He pushed me back as if my skin burned and stepped back. “I guess there is really no help for us.”

 

Sasuke walked over to his bed and got back in the same meditative position as before. I don't know what kind of game the Uchiha bastard is playing, but I wasn’t going to fall for it. I might want to die, but I’m not crazy and I’m certainly not an idiot to listen to his bullshit.

 


End file.
